The Bow Stance



Archery is the national sport and pastime in Bhutan. Prior to a fortuitous business trip to Bhutan last fall, I was fascinated to discover in my research this curious centuries-old factoid about the tiny Himalayan country I was soon to visit: a long shot for sure.

The first image that came to mind – and the only personal association I had with the sport of archery – was a dim childhood memory. I am about five years old, and I am sitting on the grass under the big shade trees in the park near our house in Sacramento watching my parents and some of their friends shooting bows and arrows at a big bale of hay in the distance. That day, I learned from my father what a bulls-eye was, and I kept my eyes peeled for it, as he suggested, but it never came to be. Lots of arrows hit the bale of hay, all right, and some came close to the middle, but none hit the bulls-eye. It looked pretty easy to me, so I was puzzled.

It was a few decades later when on a visit home from Berkeley one weekend, I discovered the long, thin, tan-colored metal box in the guest room closet and opened it. My sister and I had been warned not to touch the “dangerous box,” so of course we did. But we never took out the bows or arrows, just looked at them, finding them frightening and mysterious, like a loaded gun.

When I opened the box this time, as an adult and parent, I burst out laughing, remembering the day in the park and how strange it all seemed now. In the rear-view mirror of our lives, it seemed such an aberration, that whole bow and arrow thing. It was incongruous.

As a joke, I grabbed one of the bows, picked up an arrow, and striking the bow stance in the kitchen doorway, aimed it at my mother where she stood making sandwiches for our lunch. When she looked up in pale-faced shock, she too burst out laughing, and we laughed ‘til we cried. Once recovered, we spent the rest of the afternoon talking about how inexplicable that whole archery episode was in the first place. She couldn’t really remember how long it lasted. It was kind of a fad among young marrieds at the time, an unusual social pastime with friends in the park on a warm sunny day.

As a career/life coach, I use the concept of the bulls-eye all the time to describe what we are up to in the coaching process. I want all of my clients to achieve the best possible outcome to their particular transition. In my last post, I talked about two clients who hit the bulls-eye last month. There have been countless others over the years and will be many more. One is interviewing right now – only for jobs in her desired target market – and I believe she is close to hitting the bulls-eye. The interviews she is getting now with her cover letters and resume suggest she is indeed getting closer.

Several other of my clients and I are engaged in identifying the target outcome of our work together – the job, the business they want to start, the goal they want to achieve at this particular time in their lives and careers – and we are specifying all of the criteria that need to be present in the multi-faceted target. Otherwise, how will they know it when they see it? And how can they hope to hit the bulls-eye if they don’t know what it is?

In archery, the bow stance, the aim, is everything. It requires thinking, grounding, positioning, preparation, and practice. In the marketplace today, too many people are in a rush to shoot off their arrows into cyberspace without any real preparation at all. They have a vague idea of an ill-defined target, not much deep thinking or positioning or strategy at all; and they often aim too high or too low, erroneously thinking this is increasing the likelihood they will hit something, anything. They tend to wing it on the tools they are using, too – the cover letters, resume, and spoken narrative about who they are, what they want, why they see there is a match between the job possibility and their gifts, talents, skills, education and experience. And have they even thought about their own requirements for the match.

On our first day in Thimphu, the capital of Bhutan, my husband Jim and I met with the officials of the Bhutan Trust Fund for the Conservation of the Environment, our hosts and reason for going half way around the world to a place we had never even thought of before, let alone visit. After that first meeting on the first day, we looked out the window of the fifth-floor office (no elevators in Bhutan), and to our amazement we were looking down at an archery arena right across the street! And sure enough, there were two archers at practice. We had thought we would have to seek out the possibility of observing this unusual national pastime.

Archer, the Bow Stance

Archer in Thimphu, Bhutan

The first thing we noticed was that we could barely see the target, much smaller than a bale of hay – more like a small grave marker out there in the distance – and the bulls-eye, which we were told was painted on the oval stone, was entirely invisible to us. The target, 140 feet away, seemed impossible to hit, let alone the bulls-eye!

We quickly observed that the Bow Stance – the aim – is everything. The arms of the archers were strong, muscular, toned, and their stance was perfectly grounded, still. When the bow was finally released, it came as a shock, because there wasn’t a sign it was coming any time soon. It was simply released – perfectly aimed at the target. Almost every arrow hit the target, and many came very close to the bulls-eye. If there was one, we were unable to see it with the naked eye.

There is an art to archery. And there is an art to just about everything in life, including finding the right partner, the right place to live, the right work, and the right job. All of those things require thinking, clarity, strategy, practice, a grounded sense of what the target is, and a solid bow stance, and a skilled aim, before releasing our arrows into space – cyber or other.



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Lunch & Learn Event 2/17

To my Blog Fans:

If you are in the Bay Area and interested in meeting me in person, we will be hosting a Lunch & Learn in our office, “What About Coaching for High Performance?”, on Friday, February 17, from 12:00 to 1:30.  If you have questions or would like to attend, please contact us as follows:  jroundtree@bellinvest.com.  Reservations are required.

Lunch & Learn Event: What about Coaching for High Performance?

Lunch & Learn Event: What about Coaching for High Performance?

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Hitting the Bulls-eye!

Just last week, one of my clients, Pamela – a writer/editor in her mid-twenties, hit the bulls-eye – the very job toward which she had been aiming for the last three years, without realizing it. What she was experiencing was a lot of career pain, the symptoms of which included the dreads (dreading going to work every day); the drabs (boredom, verging on depression); and the dregs (obsessive-compulsive negative thinking and talking about the job).

If you have any or all of these symptoms relating to your job or career, take two Advil (my personal favorite) and call your career coach! It might be time for the Big Dig! A coach just might be able to help you dig yourself out of the hole you are in and into the light and air that awaits you just above ground. As long as you’re down there struggling, you can’t see anything else.

You may not believe me now, but it doesn’t take all that much time to get a handle on what lies beyond the limited world you can see from that dark place. For Pamela, it took about six coaching sessions over a period of two months to move from “I am stuck forever in this job because the economy is so bad and I’ll never get another job in my field”, to “I know who I am, I know what I want, and I am determined to keep looking until I find it.”

This transformed, powerful (as opposed to weak) attitude is predicated on finally knowing what you want and what you are looking for – the bulls-eye. You can’t find the needle in the haystack unless you know what it looks like. It requires that you sit with the not-knowing for a while until you develop a solid list of criteria for your next step. This list often emerges right out of the pain you are in. The pain is a sign of what you want but don’t have. The pain often points to its opposite, which actually points you in the direction of what you want next.

Example 1: You have no autonomy. This points to the fact that you want more autonomy. Check. Example 2: You have no say in how things are run. This points to the fact that you want more authority. Check. Example 3: You don’t respect your boss or your company. This points to the fact that you want to work for a company and boss you can respect. Check.

I just took a moment to look at Pamela’s list of criteria for the next step and counted 15. Here are a few examples of the general and the specific types of things that show up on a typical, well-thought-through list: 1) the position includes leadership, written and verbal communication, and some form of teaching or presenting; 2) the organization is either a non-profit with a cause that I resonate with, or a company with a mission and purpose I can respect; 3) there is the possibility of flexible scheduling and working from home. There were 12 more criteria on her list.

Usually people have a pretty clear sense of their criteria for the next step when they stop to think about it. Examples of these are: appropriate job title, size of company or organization (smallish, mid-sized, global, etc.), general vicinity and commute time, salary requirement, et al. These criteria constitute the general target for your fabulous cover letter and resume. Don’t apply for jobs you don’t want, only for jobs you want and that meet your general target requirements. If your resume is actually a fit for the job description, and you know you are a good candidate, it is likely you will be called for an interview. If you don’t get that call, move on. It’s not the bulls-eye, or you would have gotten the chance for an interview. The point of the cover letter and resume is to get the interview, so you can get your body there and assess the situation. You will have criteria you are looking for, just as the interviewer(s) will have. If there is a match, you will know it. If there isn’t, move on. Don’t take everything so personally! Each opportunity will give you a clearer sense of what you really want. Our mutual intent is for you to hit the bulls-eye, just as Pamela did. Her new job – the one she is thrilled about – has all 15 of her criteria, plus many great things she didn’t even think to mention. The bulls-eye job is usually better than you imagined it would be.

And lest you think it was just Pamela who hit the bulls-eye last week because she is 25 (and you are 50), another client, Daniel, a 48-year-old marketing creative on the East Coast, hit his bulls-eye as well. He’ll be assuming a VP role in a company that is expanding internationally – yes, one of his most important criteria.

One of the things Pamela said when she got the job offer was that she felt almost guilty because she knows people who have been job-hunting for two years. My response was,

Do they know who they are? Do they know what they want? Do they have their criteria written down? Do they have a great resume that clearly matches the job descriptions to which they respond?, and

Do they have a career coach?



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Happy New Year!

I love saying that and hearing it, but I always forget about it until the first time I say it or the first time I hear it in the new year. Inevitably, a good mood shows up in January, along with some good news. It’s as if everyone has simultaneously forgotten all the bad news that accumulated in the previous 365 days. This year, the good news is about the economy getting better, the unemployment rate going down, and Gabrielle Gifford getting better. On top of that, we’re having unseasonably warm, sunny weather here in the Bay Area and in diverse locations around the country that are normally inclement by now.

I, for one, am relishing the feeling I get once the December celebrations are done, the decorations are down, and I open one of my new-smelling calendars for the first time. I feel as if the blackboard in my head has not only been erased, but wiped clean. I have a sense of anticipation that the new year will bring something different, something better, something new. I embrace the deliberate demarcation of time that the whole world seems to agree upon at once.

Prior to January 1, I savor my search for the calendars I will enjoy throughout the new year: one for my desktop at the office, another to carry around, another for the wall next to my desk, another for the kitchen at home. I insist on having aesthetically-pleasing wall calendars with images that inspire me with incredible photos of birds and other wildlife, familiar scenes of some of my favorite places in the world, or images of great art and architecture. Last year I had one of palaces, for some reason.

For the wall in my office, that I look at many times a day, I always want one to go along with our Asian décor and something that inspires me— glorious stanzas of poetry or adages of the sages and ages. I usually enjoy them so much throughout the year that I can’t bear to throw them away at the end. I always think I will frame them or do some other creative thing with them, but I don’t. And I don’t let go of them either.

The brand new 2012 calendar I have on the wall next to me right now is called Nirvana’s Dream. (Since when did calendars start having titles?) It was created by a man named Gwynn Goodner, of Studio Voltaire, “a consortium of artists and photographers dedicated to creating beautiful and accessible work. “ It’s published by an outfit called Brush Dance (www.brushdance.com). Goodner is a lover of Asian art and philosophy who hopes to inspire viewers to a more positive way of living. Right on. The exquisite images have a look that transcends time: pressed leaves, a lotus blossom, a hand-painted Oriental fan, a white, long necked crane. Along with the peaceful images for a given month is a wisdom saying. One that especially caught my eye today is from Lao Tsu: Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. Interesting. . . Ancient wisdom somehow puts the press of current and future obligations into perspective.

I am not one to come up with Resolutions. The typical New Year’s Resolution tends to center on something people really don’t want to do – like lose weight or exercise more. Yeh, yeh, but that’s such a lazy catch-all. What about taking your new year’s thinking to new heights? What about your life? How’s it going? What’s working? What’s not? Are you satisfied with the quality of the content of your life? Your work? Your relationships? Do you have a sense of meaning? Purpose? Intention? Commitment? Are you cultivating your gifts and talents? Do you have a sense of being fully alive?

Instead of establishing some more short-lived, guilt-laden resolutions that the evil twin within won’t allow you to keep beyond the 15th, how about doing some gentle, self-loving reflection on the year just past, and focus for awhile on the big picture. You will find meaning and purpose in doing whatever you can to make your life as good as possible. And you don’t have to be perfect at it, just focused on it.

Happy New Year! Really. . . as it progresses, let me know how it’s going. I’d love to hear how you might live this year a little differently— and better.



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How to Follow Your Passion (When You Don’t Know What It Is.)

Most people have heard by now about how important it is for them to find their passion, work with passion, and live with passion.

The problem is that many people honestly don’t know what their passions are, much less how to find them or turn them into paid work. Others just don’t relate to the concept or word – it’s too intense, over-the-top, or somehow inconsistent with the rest of who they are.

Visions of Van Gogh cutting off his ear for love or killing himself for his art come to mind…

Several years ago, I worked as a coach with a young woman we’ll call Tam. Tam was bright, attractive, well-educated, and soft-spoken. She was very disappointed and dissatisfied with her career in accounting. She had pleased her parents with this choice, but had made herself miserable. She definitely wanted a different career path, but she had no idea what it would be.

She was not a passionate kind of person, she said. She had no passions, in fact, so how could she possibly find her way to a career she would be passionate about?

When I asked her to tell me what the word “passionate” meant to her, she quickly responded that if you were passionate about a cause, a talent, or a person, you would be willing to die for them. She was quite sure there was nothing inside or outside herself that she felt that way about; therefore, in her mind, she was defective. She had no passions.

I suggested that we consciously put on hold the whole question of passion and career change while we took some time to follow the breadcrumbs – the more subtle clues that might point the way to a different and more satisfying direction.

To do this, we had to come up with language with which she was comfortable. Instead of exploring Loves, Hates, Deep Desires and Primary Values – all impassioned words and descriptions – we considered Likes, Dislikes, Attractions and Enjoyment. This worked; she could relate.

She became more comfortable and engaged in the process. She started perking up.

Next we worked on the Inventory of Personal and Professional Assets. These include your gifts, talents, education, training, experience, skills, accomplishments and personality traits. They invariably add up to something more valuable than the sum of the parts.

Once people can actually observe and acknowledge their accomplishments in print, they begin to get a grounded sense of who they are and what they want to spend their time doing. Then they can develop a grounded sense of the value they might bring to the marketplace. Clarity begins to emerge, and clarity is power!

What began to make a lot of sense to Tam as we side-stepped the concept of passion and took a serious look at what the breadcrumbs were telling us, was – hold on to your hats! – becoming a physical therapist. What?

It’s not just that the idea of a career in the medical field was subtle; it’s that it wasn’t even part of the conversation at all. It sort of jumped out one day in the midst of our inquiry as an “Oh, and by the way, I just remembered something that might be important. The thing I love to do more than anything is read about health, exercise, and nutrition. I know quite a bit about it. My friends call me Dr. Tam and are always asking for my advice. I am all about health and fitness.”

Suddenly everything came to a halt, and nothing was left but a pulsing silence. We stared at each other. We were thinking the same thing at the same time: woops, did we just stumble into a passion? We both burst out laughing. There was the answer, and the answer was pure delight.

Would she cut off an ear for it? Would she die for it? Probably not. But did she apply herself to it fully? Yes. Did she bring her gifts, talents, intelligence, education and accomplishments, interest and skills to it? Yes. Does she enjoy what she is doing every day? Yes. Is she making a good living and having a good life? Yes.

Are you paying as much attention to the value of your own personal and professional assets as you are to your financial assets? They might be worth something.



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Some Thoughts About Passion

It’s been a very long time since my last post, but, hey, I’ve been to the Himalayas – more specifically Bhutan – and back: more about that at some other time. Meanwhile, if your interest is piqued, read the article in the current issue of our newsletter, The Opening Bell, called “The Perfect Invitation” at www.bellinvest.com.

But back to my October 7 blog post, “The Dancer, Part 2”, and her “exquisite burden”. Many of you may still be scratching your head about it. Even among people who follow their passions, this degree of determination, dedication, and sense of “calling” is pretty rare. Ever heard of Herzog?

While there are many people who know what their passions are, and follow them to one degree or another, what is much more common, I’m afraid, is the number of people who struggle with the whole concept of passion itself. I have done coaching with many of these people over the years. In fact, they have come to see me for that very reason. They don’t think they have any passions, and they feel terrible about it. They feel defective, as if they are missing a gene or missing out on this intangible source of full life. They think if only they knew what/where this missing link was, they would know what to do with the rest of their lives. They are sad, even depressed. Sometimes, they are mad.

But guess what? We inevitably discover their passions. They just haven’t known how to look.

All of this has me wanting to resurrect an article I wrote for the Piedmont Post a couple of years ago called, “How to Follow Your Passion When You Don’t Know What It Is”. I hope it will open up a fresh conversation about the whole topic of passion. It seems to be on people’s minds and lips.

Meanwhile, before you even read what I have to say on the subject, what do you have to say? Do you have a comment? A story? A frustration? An “exquisite burden”? A dream? I will post your responses and will respond. Until then …



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The Dancer – Part 2

Exquisite Burden

Danielle, former tiny dancer, current contract engineer (her day job), accidentally stumbled into her bliss as a result of her inexplicable fascination with the nature of consciousness, quantum physics, the search for intelligent life in the universe and related themes.

Then one day, she doesn’t remember why or when, she became consumed by an idea – a very Big Idea, a Vision, really – of the documentary film she would make about all this. Before she knew it, and without conventional training, she was becoming a documentary filmmaker. The Vision had its way with her; it took her.

One of the unorthodox things Danielle and I did together happened a couple of years ago… When we inadvertently discovered during a coaching session that I happened to know personally one of the Nobel Prize-winning physicists she wanted to interview, we embarked on a project of our own to make this meeting happen. After several phone calls and emails the three of us met at his office on the U.C. Berkeley campus.

I wish you or some one other person could have been there to witness this meeting. The sheer contrast between these two brilliant, rare souls is a poem in itself. She, the adorable tiny dancer who looks like she’s about 16; he, the world renowned physicist–white haired, slightly stooped, well into his 80’s–face to face, lost in space, or at least in an incredible conversation about it and about consciousness, the search for intelligent life in the universe, quantum physics, et al. I listened with a few tears glistening in my eyes as I thought about the incredible journeys of these two brilliant, rare souls, and the completely unlikely nature of this pairing.

Afterwards, she and I found a place on campus to get a cup of coffee and sit on a bench in the sunshine for awhile laughing our heads off about what had just taken place. I’m sure we must have high-fived. It seemed as if some magic was at work in the universe to bring us all together in this incredible dream.

But the question of whether or not Danielle will follow this dream was left way back there in the dust somewhere. There’s a sense of calling, meaning, knowing, but the journey is anything but a skip down the lane, which is what some people think it would be like if they found their bliss. She might wish she could lay this burden down at times. She is tired. It’s always a struggle. She needs funding. She needs our periodic conversations to stay the course.

Finding one’s bliss can be more like a burden than a skip down the lane, but this is a beautiful burden – no, an exquisite burden.



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The Dancer

Picture the tiny ballerina that popped up and started twirling around on her toes to the happy, plunky music when you or your little sister opened the pink jewel box.

This would have been a version of my client, Danielle, a featured ballerina with a famous ballet company by the time she was 13. She had a demanding 20-year-career with that company and retired at 25. Yes, you heard that right.

Next, not clear what to do herself, she followed the practical advice of well-meaning friends and family (they are always well-meaning, they just aren’t career coaches), she finished college and became a mechanical engineer. On that stage, she also became a little star. But it was never even close to her bliss–just a stable gig, her day job.

This is the point at which many people call me for help. They are disappointed and/or dissatisfied and want desperately to feel more alive. They are disconnected from their passions or don’t know what they are. Or if they do know what they are, they don’t know how to make a living at it.

This is not when Danielle called me. She called me long after she had accidentally stumbled into her bliss, was fully alive, and had turned her idea into an all-consuming project. There is never a question about making this thing happen, but how to cope with such a beautiful burden? And when can she finally quit her day job?

Next time I will tell you about the nature of this kind of burden and our unorthodox work together.

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The Attorney in Her Late Thirties

Laura is not exactly the stereotypical attorney–big law firm, big salary, spiffy suits, upscale lifestyle. She is, and has always been, a public defender with a specialty in juvenile law in a tough city full of tough neighborhoods and disadvantaged kids with every problem in the book.

This is what I call front-lines work. It’s like being in a combat zone, day after day, year after year, always full of adrenaline, heartbreak, and daily assaults on all the senses. But you soldier on because you care so much and are so good at what you do, and someone has to do it. You just keep doing it until you can’t do it anymore.

In my opinion, most people cannot do front-lines work forever. Eventually they need to move on and make room for fresh troops to carry on the mission. In Laura’s case, it was the happy event of her first pregnancy that told her it was time to get off the front lines, but the problem is, it hasn’t told her where to go or what to do next. What could she possibly do besides be a public defender? She hadn’t a clue, and she needed to figure it out pronto, before the baby was born.

That’s when a sort of panic set in, and she called me. Smart girl. That’s the work we are doing together. It will work out much better for us to do this together than if she winged it on her own, because all the time she has been working as a public defender, I have been working as a career coach. Simple as that.

We have had about four hour-and-a-half sessions now for which she has been doing the assigned homework, and clarity around the following questions is beginning to emerge: Who am I? What do I want at this time in my life? What are my best gifts and talents? What do I deeply care about? What do I love to do most?

“We’re just following the bread crumbs,” I always say. “They will show us the way.”

Laura is awesome. She is filled to the brim with intelligence, gifts, talents, skills, abilities, and creativity, and there is no question in my mind that she will find her way to a great future. She doesn’t realize it yet, but the crumbs are pointing the way. Simple as that.

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The Nurse

Kelly is my hero. She’s kind of girl you’ve all known or heard about or seen on TV – the oldest girl in a big dysfunctional family who stood up very early on to protect her younger brothers and sisters from their violent step-dad. There was no room for any need she might have along the way.

When the family inevitably fell apart, she dropped out of school and moved in with a friend’s family. She got a job – any job – and began studying for her GED. She passed. Then she found a better job and a roommate and an apartment.

By the time Kelly was 18, she had a job as a nurse’s aide at a good hospital, and that’s where she’s been for the past ten years. There she became the patients’ favorite nurse and everyone’s friend. Life was pretty good. She never intended on staying so long, but seniority gave her privileges, and the work came naturally to her.

After four or five years, she started looking around for something more interesting, more fun, more challenging. She knew she needed more education but knew the academic life wasn’t for her. She found an academy for entertainment arts that blew her mind, and she was off and running. She knew she could do this. She was determined.

Kelly’s survival skills are always at the fore. She worked night shifts, took out loans – big ones that were easy to get before 2008 – and worked her way through a three-year arts college. I can hardly bear to write this, but her parents didn’t make it to her graduation at the last minute, even though they said they would. Big surprise.

The year following graduation, she sent out resumes and letters and got a few nibbles for production assistant, but then she sort of gave up. She’s not bitter, jaded or resentful, as she has every right to be after this long struggle that has been her life, but more than anything, she is tired. Tired and disappointed.

And then one day as she was thinking about all this, she found me, fairly easily on-line: “Career Coach Oakland.” And I can’t tell you how happy and grateful I am that she did.
We bonded almost immediately.

Believe me when I say that I will be in Kelly’s corner with everything that is in me, like the mother, sister, teacher, friend she never had. Together we are going to go after the future she deserves.

I have a hero on my hands.

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